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Monday 16 February 2009

Right or Kind...

A few years ago some of my dad’s town’s men came to visit. They laughed, talked and argued. They argued about the Biafran war. A particular uncle argued the loudest and told the most stories. I noticed my father hardly said a word.

After they left, my mum turned to my dad and said; you fought in the Biafran war, when (that particular uncle) was saying all that nonsense about the war why didn’t you say something?
My dad replied; I fought in the war with his older brother. He was seventeen when the war ended. If I’d said anything, he would have looked stupid in front of everyone…there was no point!

I learnt a valuable lesson that day. NEVER CREATE ENEMIES; it serves no purpose.

This piece is for all the young people out there looking for guidance. I’m young myself but I can say I’ve experienced enough to be able to give advise to people younger than I am.

Listen, I used to be a bitch, maybe not the worst kind, but the most annoying kind. I was so nasty I wouldn’t even acknowledge a greeting. I didn’t know people’s faces or names…I wasn’t interested. Looking down on people was something I knew how to do well.

But then I grew up. I saw and experienced a lot of things that shaped my thinking and made me a better person. I’m still learning, but now I can say I’m wiser than I was many years ago.

Sometimes in life you will find yourself in a quarrel, either caused by you or other people. Who started it is not the issue; it all boils down to how you handle it. One of the things I’ve learnt, not that long ago, is; when you’re arguing or having a misunderstanding with someone; you’re either RIGHT OR KIND!

Let me explain it better…

Right: Being RIGHT means that you will keep arguing to prove yourself right and the other person wrong. You will complain or report to everyone who cares to listen, you will make your arguments till people start to side with you. You will find ways to make the other person look foolish or bad. You will never admit you’re wrong even if you eventually realize that you are. Apologizing is not an issue here; instead you will find ways to discredit the other person.

Kind: Being kind means that when there’s a misunderstanding, instead of the power struggle, you look at the person and say; you’re right, I’m wrong. I apologize. Whether you are right or wrong is not an issue in this situation. You don’t try to make the other person look foolish and yourself wise. You take the blame and let the other person win…that’s kindness.

Being RIGHT makes you right; being KIND makes you the bigger person. It will get you people’s admiration and respect, but above that, it will strengthen your self-respect.

Imagine you’re with someone and you see a blue ball, then you say to the person, that blue ball is nice. The person looks at the ball and says; that’s a red ball.
You say; no it’s a blue ball. They say; are you blind? That’s a red ball.
You look at the ball, you have absolutely no doubt it’s a blue ball but instead of arguing you say, you’re right, that’s a red ball, my bad! The person will look at the ball again, knowing it’s really a blue ball and wondering why you agreed with them. They will probably end up feeling foolish.

Your colleague is trying to make you look bad in front of boss and instead of arguing or shouting to prove yourself right, you tell your boss; I don’t want to argue with her, she’s right, I’m wrong. If you’re right, your boss knows it. If you’re wrong, your boss will admire you for admitting it. Either way, you win.

Don’t dwell in negative things. Find a way to quickly wash your hands off it and move on to better things. I’m not saying don’t talk back or respond to negative talk, just don’t dwell on it. Just say your piece and move on and if they try to draw you back, dust the dirt off your shoulders, smile, and tell them you’re not interested.

In life, you have to know when to walk away, when to run and when to stay and fight. Of course there are times to fight, but never over trivia issues. It’s not worth it. Instead, channel your energy towards positive things

Like I always tell my friends, I don’t try to be the best in everything. I only try to do my best in everything. So in every situation I find myself, I do my best and hope it’s enough

When it comes to being Right or Kind, I chose to be Kind…what about you?

You don’t have to follow my advice but please think about what I said. Hopefully it makes sense to you.

May God guide you in all your actions.
Stay blessed
L

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I LOVE the note..i have learnt something right or kind...wow..

here is a song that popped into ma head immediately i finish reading this post http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMLyWR7A-wE&feature=related

Anonymous said...

Hi linda,i usually come to your blog but rarely leave a message,i think i kind of understand your point of veiw abt being right of kind,this issue of you and niyi has won me over to you bigtime,to the extent i tried adding you on my facebook..why?-because of your maturity and i was appalled by the other person reaction to the situation.Kudos to you and keep up the spirit.

1 + The One said...

This is so lovely! You have actually touched a nerve..I am a VERY arguementative especially when I know that I am right...Oh I could go on and on and on... (you get my drift). The thing is afterwards I feel so bad and then I'm like "ok, never again" but give me about a split second and a good case and I'm off again... Definately food for thought, "Right or Kind"...For me it would be kind anyday..
Thanks Linda you are a star!! xx

Anonymous said...

Well said..

Anonymous said...

hmm,i dont agree oh especially at work.
one will jus get fired for the wrong reasons.there are a lotta opportunist out there.
wen its an argument between friends fine but not wen its business or official.

Bukenzo said...

brilliant.
you got the point across.

AustynZOGS said...

''NEVER CREATE ENEMIES..''
This philosophy kinda explains the maturity you put up in the face of some recent unnecessary provocations.
Keep being you,Girl.

Anonymous said...

Learnt so much from this piece.
Thanks my Role Model.

Anonymous said...

U know like i have been saying on this blog..Linda u really display a level of maturity unprecedented in our youth of today...whose level of shallowness and ditziness is mind blogging...i am much older than u i am happily married with 3 children in my 30's and live in a suburb in Los Angeles...and for me to take out time to respond to ur blog it is a big deal...i do not even belong to facebook..even after several ppl have tried to coax me into signing up...but there is something about u that resonates..u have restored my confidence our youth...it is rare to see a nice combination of cuteness and brains...when i visited Nija last year's summer i was hoping to get a chance to put a face to the name somehow, but i was pregnant and too fatigued to do anything but eat and sleep.. keep up the good work Linda...KUDOS!!!

LoLu said...

Long time Linda on your blog. Thanks for that piece of advice. Its a real issue l have with my boyfrnd, he just seems to think the whole world is wrong and he is the only right one...lol

thanks for the words. i'l keep telling him and checking myself.

Anonymous said...

My first post here...

Linda a lot of people may not agree with you...

But what you stated is a christian principle - playing the fool and being as wise as a serpent at the same time - Jesus preached and lived it all the time. At times even practising christians miss this, but its all about faith, believing and pursuing the paths of your utlimate Rewarder.

Like I said everyone won't agree, but you're on the path of truth and I pray you find the ultimate truth...cos its never really enough until you submit totally to the dominion of Christ and living for His Kingdom...

...and that is the real bliss

...and that doesn't mean being a fanatic.

'Muyiwa James 'Tuase said...

Linda, i'm a regular reader of your blog.u're good. i had to jst comment on this article.its a very good one nd i've always been a of being "kind" nd not always provin 2 b right.keep it up and i pray God will continue to preserve u for us ooo.bye sweetie

Anonymous said...

I wouldnt have done what you did but I respect your choice. Really, wanting to be right and the endless time wasting back and forth responses simply allow others to set an agenda for you.

Internet fights leave online trails forever and you have been smart enough to ensure that ur future investors have nothing virulent from your pen to scare them off.

Niyi a publicist has shown that confidential details of his clients lives can and will be broadcast in the future if they "cross" him. Any of his colleagues competeting for a publicist gig with him with a big time client simply should simply point said client to his facebook and blog rants and he will lose the job.

Linda with ur zen passive approach... in the long term... on various fronts... which is what matters... whether you cared or not...

you have won

Unknown said...

Linda!!

You have done it again.

I am frequently up here but rarely leave messages... Boy, can/will you beat this soon?!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Linda,I think this ur show of 'I am too good' attitude is unnecessary.You angered someone who was supposed to be close to you without calling him,he replied you,then u came up with an apology trying to show that u are cool. Meanwhile,it was all a devil's kiss.You have started posting all manners of comments to malign him while at the same time saying that you guys have settled.
Fine people do get upset but Niyi never said anything that was not written on u in the papers.He only said you were not truthful to him as ur publicist and that u once denied a relationship, thereby making him look stupid in the long run.Remember u wrote that once the press see two people the next thing you see it in the press that they are dating.
I called Niyi up when he did't post a comment i wrote about you and he told me that a mutual friend of both of u have asked the two of u to move on and leave comments on the issue.Common Linda,if it is fight let the guy know and stop hiding behind the pole of love while at the same time firing missiles.
wish u post my comment too.
i live in the US too and i am married with kids so i know what i am talking about when i see two people trying to square up

Anonymous said...

wow Linda that was cool. sometimes u write as if u copied and pasted from some inspirational website when you did not. You are very wise. God bless you

Anonymous said...

just stumbled upon dis piece of write up. its so cool. ride on lady

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