Saturday, June 2, 2012

'This Is Why You're Not Married' Written by Tracy McMillan

This article was written by Tracy McMillan for Huffington Post. Thing is, Tracy has been married three times, so she's kind of an expert in men, marriage etc. If only she'd had read, How To Get Married and Stay Married when she was much younger...:-). Oh well, read her article and share your thoughts afterwards

 This is why you're no married by Tracy McMillan
You want to get married. It’s taken a while to admit it.  Saying it out loud — even in your mind — feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize.  Because you’re hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.
Continue reading...



You’ve never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box. Then, something happened.  Another birthday, maybe.  A breakup.  Your brother’s wedding.  His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket.  You started to hate the bride — she was so effing happy — and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you’re not married.  You never really cared that much before.  But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering… Deep, deep breath… Why you’re not married.
Well, I know why.
How?  It basically comes down to this:  I’ve been married three times.  Yes, three.  To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister’s son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.
I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married.  Growing up in foster care is a big part of it.  The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated — traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time.  Without really trying to, I’ve become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships — someone who’s had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.
But I won’t lie.  The problem is not men, it’s you.  Sure, there are lame men out there, but they’re not really standing in your way.  Because the fact is — if whatever you’re doing right now was going to get you married, you’d already have a ring on.   So without further ado, let’s look at the top six reasons why you’re not married.

1.  You’re a Bitch.       Here’s what I mean by bitch.  I mean you’re angry.  You probably don’t think you’re angry.  You think you’re super smart, or if you’ve been to a lot of therapy, that you’re setting boundaries.  But the truth is you’re pissed.  At your mom.  At the military-industrial complex.  At Sarah Palin.  And it’s scaring men off.
The deal is:  most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them.   I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband.  Here’s what my son wants out of life:  macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian.  Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry?  I didn’t think so.  You’ve seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape.  Female anger terrifies men.  I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.      

2.  You’re Shallow.      When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters:  character.  So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right?  But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t.  Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now.  Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.
Instead, you are looking for someone tall.  Or rich.  Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is.  Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife.  This is the thinking of a teenaged girl.  And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls.  Because teenage girls are never happy.  And they never feel like cooking, either.     

3. You’re a Slut.       Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore — but they’re not trying to get married.  You are.  Which means, unfortunately, that if you’re having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop.  Why?  Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn’t stay recreational for long.
That’s due in part to this thing called oxytocin — a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm — that will totally mess up your casual-sex game.  It’s why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn’t even all that great and the next thing you know, you’re totally strung out on him.  And you have no idea how it happened.  Oxytocin, that’s how it happened.  And since nature can’t discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you’re going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.

4.  You’re a Liar.       It usually goes something like this:  you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he’s not really available for a relationship.  He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he’s married, or he gets around town on a skateboard.  Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, “I’m not really available for a relationship right now.”
You know if you tell him the truth — that you’re ready for marriage — he will stop calling.  Usually that day.  And you don’t want that.  So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun!  You love having fun sex!  And you don’t want to get in a relationship at all!  You swear!
About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in.  You start wanting more.  But you don’t tell him that.  That’s your secret — just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends.  Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can’t live without you.  I have news:  he will never “figure” this out.  He already knows he can live without you just fine.  And so do you.  Or you wouldn’t be lying to him in the first place.

5. You’re Selfish.      If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you.  You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds.  You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training.  Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.
Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself.  She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids.  This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt.  The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello!  It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her.  Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one.   Your husband will be along shortly.  Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

6. You’re Not Good Enough.      Oh, I don’t think that.  You do.  I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal.  No, you want someone better than you are:  better looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute.  Period.  Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives.  Why?  You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself.  Smart men know this.
I see this at my son’s artsy, progressive school.  Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you’re trying to be.  They’re attractive, sure.  They’re just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that’s the bad news.  The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner.  You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy.  It won’t.  Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it.  Strangely, men understand this more than we do.  Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession — a free-agent penis — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it.  Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to.  But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
Love.

Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los Angeles with her 13-year-old son.

108 comments:

  1. na true o, u never see Kim K lose her cool. i love that even tho not a big fan.
    and this madam tracy self, it took her three marriages to figure all this!
    abeg, would rather take advice from my lovely mum, she stuck it thru her marriage, not perfect but she made it work!

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  2. Ha Lindoooo, this is long and I just lost my patience for long articles cos of hunger. ( still cooking).
    Anyway marriage is a good thing o. It happens in God's time.No time is late jare.

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  3. lol @ it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

    Preach

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  4. This is a very nice writeup. Very insightful and I'm definitely learning a lot from it. The unfortunate thing is lots of people will read it, learn and go on to get married and STAY married. And Tracy will just keep roaming from husband to husband. Do I hear someone say IRONY?

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  5. Wow! Wat more can i say.

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  6. I like this post Linda. Most of what Tracy said is true about marriage.

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  7. Not bad...I'll like to read the male version too :)

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  8. Quite interesting and so true.

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  9. I think she is an angry woman and her advice are really misguided and frankly speaking Black American men are way different from Nigerian men.

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  10. Wow........hmmmmm.......serious...actuali she is on point....i don learn somtn...

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  11. every reason the lady gave is soooo true even if she puts it in a jovial way..she is soooo telling the truth....ladies if she was speaking to you seriously consider these points and make the necessary changes

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  12. Insightful. Now I know why Tracy McMillan has been married 3 times.

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  13. She is right. so right.

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  14. Bull crap article, and that is ignoring the fact that it is written by someone who is probably more of an expert in choosing the wrong men (and blaming the world for it). Its less about getting marriage (that's easy, she did it 3 times clearly) than entering a marriage where you'll live till 80 TOGETHER (with the man you married first and only). Abeg, Tracy whatever-your-name is, pass the mic joor.

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  15. So is it just about getting married? Staying married nko? This 3-times married woman lacks credibility, i'm sorry.

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    1. Has it occurred to anyone yet that she wrote this piece AFTER her 3 failed marriages... DuH?! Hence her sharing what she learned from her past mistakes and failures. Una too dey do sef

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  16. She is right o, I guess to some extent but there are some truths, I guess cos she's been married thrice she knows why she isn't married

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  17. Hmmmmm Food for Thought... Spot on piece Missy!

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  18. Don't agree with her theory

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  19. Wow dunno if I feel like laughing or crying for my self.. True story she gat every single thing right sigh ,,,,,

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  20. Dis sounds lyk a must read. *rme*

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  21. na by force to get married na wah oh those in it want to get out those on the inside are desperate to get in ....all things happen in God's own time...

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  22. platinum upgradeJune 2, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    not related to d above post, Linda my husband fell in luv with u ystday. He stumbld on ur blog nd i found him readn comments laughing to himself legs in d air,after a hard days work. Now its Linda this Linda that,IT geek wey no get time for any other thing b4. Guys really luv gossip oh, well done,love loads

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    1. Sure,he js read ur comment.. Heheehe

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  23. Vry long hissssssssssssssssss!!!no wonder she's bin at it 3times now.See u wan give person advice,i beg pass d mic jor.

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  24. Coming from some1 who has been marred 3 times (and presumably is not married now), I cant be bothered.

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  25. Ok!first of all,all this one na story!When she comes to Nigeria and lives here for 1yr,she'll know d difference.
    So I shld get a kid first and focus on him/her and my bradpitt wld come abi? News for u,if u are a single mother ,men here run as fast as antelopes ,unless u r a single mother with a huge bank account..
    Then as for not lying to urself and accepting ur ok with casual sex when ur not,well,most men don't know what they want here and here, a man says"I love u" when he doesn't mean it.some serious relationships start out as flings.
    And plsss cooking,cleaning,ironing ,taking care of his mother and knowing a man's family is not a guarantee he'll marry u.u'll be the house girl while he carries his main chick to chinese restaurants for dinner..
    Just be yourself,don't expect too much from men,and don't go out of ur way to please a man.They are attracted to ladies who give them bullshit...
    That's my own advice on how to get married

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    1. Erm, as u never even once, how u fit know wetin pple dey do take marry?

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    2. Best comment!! Thumbs up Sis

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    3. Choi! Frustration don enter Ʊ® matter º°˚ . Guess a whole lot of boys has used U̶̲̥̅̊ as a ping pong. Abeg pass the mic meen.

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    4. Thank you Very much Emeh! You have said it all. Oh and is Kim Kardashian Married? NO! Pass the mic tracy!

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  26. yawn..she didnt even make any sense

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  27. So we are supposed to get advice on how to get married from a divorced woman....hmmmmmm All this will lead you to is the same path as her. I know married bitches, married sluts e.t.c. Infact most of them got the good men. I beg next.....

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  28. Some few hard truths there. I would know cos' I'm a single 32yr old woman who is comfortable just where I am.

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  29. LOL! I have to agree with a lot of things she says in this article,really want to send it to a few of my single friends but dont want to get in trouble with them. Love the point about marrying a man with character,that is absolutely true,i was friends with my hubby for 3 years before i opened my eyes & realised everything i was looking for in a husband was in this man & much more,i had been looking in all the wrong places,next week will be our first wedding anniversay :-)
    Nice article

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    1. Same thing happened to me!was crushing on a handsome fool who had nothing to offer as regards character while my darling husband was dere all along nd I jst cldnt see!

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  30. Thank you madam,please you should write about 'This is the reason you didn't stay married. Or maybe I should help you.1. You are definitely a slut jumping from one man to another.2........

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    1. Spot on. If she stayed married I would be inclined to read her fuckory

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  31. She should shut up,who is she to give advice?My fellow LIB readers only listen to those that are still married,that is 30 years and above.Ladies like Tracy can mislead you.

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  32. Initially I was like married 3x, what can she teach me, but I learned A LOT! I am happily married for over 2 years, and she is actually on point! If she had taken her own advice, she prob wouldnt have had the issues, but its through the issue that she got experienced.

    @Emeh Achanga, sorry for your warped view on marriage, I believe thats the prob with marriage in the Nigerian society. Hopefully our generation will change it.

    Here is my advice for marriage

    1) Get connected with God. You can lie to others but not to Him.
    2) Prepare for marriage as you wait. Expand your horizons, do what you love. You might meet your husband while doing these things. Learn to cook if you cant, and learn to understand who you are as a person.
    3) Drop your list, if you have one, God knows you better, and He knows where He's taking you, so can you trust Him for a min? Talk to Him every step of the way.
    4) Dont look at your parents marriage, or those around you that are dysfunctional, aspire to be that different one that others look at and say wow.
    5) Easiest way to know if a man means business is NOT to sleep with him before marriage. The right man will stay, the wrong one will do a Ben Johnson and run so fast, you wont even know what hit you. Say NO to fornication.
    6) Be your husband's friend. Life is a journey, and its an amazing one done with the right person.
    7) You'll get from your marriage what you put into it, invest in your marriage, and if you have done all the other stuff well, God wont lead you astray. Problem is most Nigerian women only find God after problems arise, and after they already started marriage on a shaky and an unGodly foundation.

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    1. Tnk u nwunye u cldnt hve said it beta! God bless u! Am a living breathn testimony! God wld NEVA lead u astray!

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    2. Well said @nwunye mmadu. Well said!

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  33. You all sees Tracy's marrying 3 different men as Irony but I don't. She is only showing the world that she truly knows how to get married. She has been married to 3 different men (might still marry again)while there are super hot single ladies out there yet to marry one.

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  34. God knows i wnt go thru 3 marriages to know what tracy knws and marriage is happiness abeg dont scare us away! kim k neva frown serzli which is what makes her glow all the time and also got her a guy afta 72 days failed marriage

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  35. I'll go straight to the point. Linda, what's your take on this? do you believe her? seeing you are not married(not that this is a crime against heaven anyway) yet. So which of those lists did you make? Bitch? Slut? lier? Not good enough? Etc.

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  36. i know some people will deny, some will call her a bitch, whore etc etc

    but truth be told.. she know it that's why she has got married 3 times and guess what? it's going to happen the fourth time.
    this article is about why u aren't married and not what keeps you married eod

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  37. ok first of all, I totally enjoyed dis article..it made sense..if I may say, just because a lady married more than once does not strip her of her right to sharing her opinions...everyone's thought and learning process is different...the part where she talked about having a kid, I believe that was an example. The main point is think of something other than yourself. Secondly, a man of character would not heartlessly allow a woman slave away if he doesn't want her...he will tell her somehow she is not the one for him...which I believe is the major point for the part about the teenage girls...look out for a man of character..finally, I believe the part of casual sex was...stop engaging..you meet a man who isn't exactly ready..be true..you are..save yourself and him from stress and end it before it starts...you can be friends if you want, but do all you can to avoid waking the hormone when its asleep...just my thoughts...thank you for the post linda

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    1. Sensible someborri... Don't mind these myopic people that are only good at tearing others down. She's been married 3 times so theyr all beta dan her. Thanks to d writer, she made sense

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  38. Wow this is true tho lol.... Visit 321naija.blogspot.com for music and videos download

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  39. Thanks to Tracy for this invaluable advice. I recommend this to single Ladies out there.
    I particularly like d way she seem to break explain her points(which look insulting at 1st glance).Single ladies should take this article serious.
    As a guy, I agree she has said it all.

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  40. In my opinion, much of what she says is spot-on. It took a lot of "relationship help" to get to where I am. While we can bash her for being divorced thrice, we can also learn from someone who has learnt the hard way.

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  41. No matter what everyone has someone

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  42. Basically what she is saying is profile your potential partner,understand his or her needs and ask yourself if you can provide them with ease. The reason why one finds moving to the next level difficult is the lack of convergence for both parties and you can't fake it.

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  43. This woman is still angry at all her exes....she can use some time in therapy ....this article makes no damn sense. I know too many class A bitches who are happily married.

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  44. #Dead @ "free-agent penis" AND "culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland"

    *laughing soooo effin hard*

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  45. I am a 28 year old married lady and her article is so spot on apart from the brad pitt part. I've been married for a year and I can say marriage is about giving and sacrificing. Especially for the woman and as u do ur husbad loves u in return. I just told my friend today, marrying a handsome man is just a bonus. It does not add anything to ur marriage whatsoever and so shld not be a priority. If per chance u marry a tall handsome man then lucky u but don't go out looking for one

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  46. Obviously some of you either want to make excuses or just too stuck on how many times she's been married that you didn't read this very well. There are a lot of truth to this like it or not, and as for the cultural differences, easily tweak and you still the some info. She might not know how to stay married, but she definitely knows how to get married!
    If you notice around Nigeria, its the desperate young girls that get married. This is becos they know what they want and try every way possible to avoid jeopardizing it. The older ones that were unable to marry when they were younger, now keeps telling themselves is not that important to get married or am looking for someone in the same class, but loneliness tells them the hard truth when they go home to an empty house at night (by the way that's both shallow and lying). Some others just don't get it that so long as you are giving it up for free, he won't marry you, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, that's why you see many Nigerian guys date a girl for years and end up marrying another girl... Ladies be honest with yourself, and yes be yourself, but if you are the angry, shallow, lying, insecure, slut, selfish person, then fix yourself before trying to be yourself. I am married and one thing I can tell you is most men, just want a happy home... there is more to that but the bottom line is a happy home!

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    1. A no no for me...pass d Mic abeg

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  47. She is very right. I was married years ago and got divorced, stayed single for many years. When i discovered that the real problem was with me and not the men, i got married in less than a year. We can all yawn and say it is crap but she's 101% right.

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  48. The part about character is so undeniably true..this is not for lesbians..or those not interested in marriage..she's giving it cos she learnt from her mistakes..its not just about marriage but keeping the right man..this were the mistakes she made..

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  49. wow...I like this... LMAO.... will buy this book... hehehehehe

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  50. A very nice response to Tracy McMillian.

    http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/why-youre-not-married-anymore-tracy-mcmillan-drives-me-crazy/

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    1. If the blog had been from a married woman, it'd have had more credit. Now, she's just reacting to 'one more person blaming her 4 being single'

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  51. I'v reali learnt a lot 4rm dis lady,I pray dat God gives me d wisdom 2 put dis in practice wit my own man

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  52. Critical observerJune 2, 2012 at 10:40 PM

    SO PPLE WANT TO MARRY KIM K? SO WHY IS SHE SINGLE AT 30YRS? TRACY PACK WELL JO! LINDA DNT BE TAKING THIS TYPE OF ADVICE

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    1. Kim K has been married twice, what are you talking about?

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  53. Some good points here but also some really unfair ones; " if you're not married you're selfish" ... So the true way to know if someone isn't selfish is if they have a partner/ husband/ wife??? Right

    " you're a slut" Really?? So cliche!! I know many sluts, aristo chics who are now married.

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    1. Believe me, those aristos and sluts dat r now married applied some of d advices Tracy had. She might have been sleeping arnd, but wen she decided time don reach to marry, she arranged herself and landed a man.

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  54. Tracy is So right,most especially on her 1st point - Anger. I can see so much of it here in people's comment, that I can bet that More than half of those making dissing comments are Single n Seriously searching. So how far frm d truth can she be?

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  55. She's talking to you Linda! Madam i'm waiting for my dream man.

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  56. I loved the opinion tho,wonder y so many are attacking tracy.?....all dem guilty ppl! Staying anonymous..truth is this woman said the truth,and yes I felt guilty when I read some parts coz I know where av erred...so instead of forming a defence in ur mind..pick a jotter and take down some notes u'l read to remind urself and help build a good character! *shikena*

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  57. how to get married is not the impt issue but how to stay happily in marriage is the impt thing.
    We all can get married if we want to marry. Afterall if Linda ikeji wanted to marry last year, she would have married the man dat told her to stop blogging or the man that could not afford shaving stick.
    Tracy sure knows how to get married, and i know she applied these rules 3 times to get married. But Unfortunately she ended up marryying the wrong men. Cause all the times she applied those rules, she was doing it with the wrong men. And if she applies these rules the 4th time to the wrong man again, she wud still get 4th divorce.
    No doubt, most of the points make sense and i agree with all she says. But the truth is if you apply all these rules to the wrong man(just like tracy applied it 3 times to wrong men), you will marry o but that does not mean you will stay happily in
    marriage cos the man might not even appreciate you and will end up beating you.
    As a single lady prepare yourself well for your husband to be(Tracy has given some solid points, Shine your eyes well to know know its the right man and most importantly, let GOD choose the right man for you.
    Bottom line is, Never cast your pearls before a swine.

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  58. yes bilkis there is so much anger income comments esp amongst over 30s chic

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  59. I just have one question, if a man came to you totally lacking of qualities you wish a husband should have, and insisting he won't change for anyone, are you likely to marry such a person?? Your answer is most possibly NO. Therefore, we can't totally discount what men want in a wife. U shld know what sort of man u want for a husband and do good to find out the sort of qualities that would attract him, and hoping be those or be willing to learn to be those. You can't be everything, but u shld be enough to hold his interest. This may not sound feminist (& am all 4 women empowerment), but just see if marketing. If nobody is buying what you're selling, they won't discover the wonderful things it'd have otherwise done 4 their lives. & daz d plain truth, weda it comes from the mouth divorced woman or Oprah (never married).

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  60. Gbam!!! Iji okwu!!

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  61. Now most of you will remember when I wrote my own article,at first it was an article from Me talking about how women console themselves saying they don't need men and will remain single. This is another write-up from a WOMAN about women unmarried and single for ever claiming marriage is not important . She just said the same things I said with a little twist on it. Most of you don't want to hear the truth because of your state. Someone just said here that majority of the people Criticizing this woman are unhappy single women or lesbians. The truth has to be told whether you like it or not .

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  62. Kim k has bn married twice o. And she'll gt married again. Seriously pple,hv u seen her venting or raving even in situations when she shud? I thnk Tracy is so right wt d exception of having a baby(in 9ja,any single who does dat,jst lost 95% of her chances of getting married). Then I dnt thnk thrz anytin wrong with havin a fantasy. We nigerian ladies hv given up on marrying d men of our dreams cos while its possible for guys to marry d women of thr dreams here,the men here are nothing close to our dreams!Asides these two points,Tracy is spot on.

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  63. I just read the second part of this article and was wondering where I could find the first. Cool!

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  64. Please dz woman made so much sense abeg. BTW A̶̲̥̅♏ married wit two kids and A̶̲̥̅♏ happy.the truth is that we women don't ever want to tell our selves d truth alot of broken marriages are as a result of infidelity from d men. Some women stay while some can't tolerate such and leave so Ʊ wouldn't know what her's is that made her leave as some men are cowards.(Imagine yur hubby sleepin wt yur sister!,its only in 9ja tht 50per wud stay in tht marriage but 80per in hollywood wil bounce!)That tracy got married 3times shows that she knows how to make a man marry her which some girls have neva even seen a guy that popped d question in dia life n yet they stay in long rships and sleep wt all d men that they date.single ladies put dz to work nd A̶̲̥̅♏ sure you wil find ur Mr right soon.
    Ps: some of Ʊ dint get wot she said bout Kim K! She said d 13yr old son wants her and she den tells him why not cz she smiles n neva frowns n glows lik she does n kim sure knows how to get a man.if y'all had seen kourt n kim take new york Ʊ wil kno that kim wz ready to marry n did her best but that underaged boy she married wz a biyatch!nd d wrong man for her. Jus sayin!

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  65. Anon 11:57pm, it's usually better to have a knowledge of what one is saying before bashing them. You read she's been married 3times and stopped there believing u know enough to judge her or her article. Pls go back and at least read it, whether u agree with her or not, u will find after reading it that ur comment is as ignorant as it gets!

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  66. This post is insulting!! Why is it that its Almost always the woman's fault?!? Why is it we always have to accept the men with all their faults and we need to always work on ours? why is it that there are so many books or articles for women like this one or like 'how to get the perfect man' how to get the man of your dreams' 'men are from mars women from venus'or'why he's not with you'! i mean the list is endless!! all of which just tell us we have to be this and that or do this or that! its like we are just not good enough THE WAY WE ARE! or is it that the men are perfect? faultless?We are expected to do so much to get a man and to keep a man, arent the men to do nothing at all but just be?!?! why are we the ones always lowering our standards? our principles? I know i know...its a man's world...but if the world is to continue to exist, a woman is certainly needed and dont HER wants matter at all? why are we always told to put them aside ? cnt men handle our so called 'faults',our careers even our 'bad attiuides'?! dnt they have bad attitudes too?our our tolerance level is constantly at its highest and theirs doesnt exist? At least we are honest and showing you who we are with all our 'faults'! We are being true to ourselves and true to you!And this still isnt enough! Thought honesty was the main part of a relationship? But what do I know? apparently we are shallow shelfish sluts who dont think much of ourselves and hence we arent married! Mschewwww!

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    Replies
    1. Yes that Is it,Sleek told you guys ,now Tracy just said hers. Stop deceiving yourself thinking staying single forever is an achievement .

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  67. ONOME says........
    As a humble student of the instituition of marriage;I can only say that no one absolutely NO ONE has a valid 1st class certificate from this institution.If you don't believe me ask those who have been married for at least 25 years.They,especially the women,would regale you with their tales of marriage that would keep you laughing so hard.Some tales would leave your mouth wide agape in shock,of what the women have to go through;from infidelity to stingy husbands,to messy and untidy ones,to lazy ones etc etc but like I said those who have been married for donkey years are better placed to dish out marital advice.

    But I digress.She is talking of why one is not married not how one could stay married,seeing as she has passed through the school 3times with a "barely" pass degree.

    My 2cents opinion thinks that some enter marriages wih starry stars in their eyes and unrealistic "Cinderella" views about marriage.Learn from those who have stayed married for a long time.They have so much wisdom........

    From: a married woman who is working "very hard" to make her marriage wok.lollllllzzzzzz

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  68. First off, Kim Kardashian is a human being and I'm sure she gets really angry when something makes her mad. Y'all don't see the real her on her show, that's just acting. Then, I think Kim and Linda should get that book 'How to Get Married and Stay Married' #just saying#. Meanwhile, Tracy McMillan who is now an expert on "How to get Married" didn't take her acvice, why then should we listen to her? She's still not married. ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

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  69. Women, na wa for una. Read, take lessons from it and move on. The point to take from this, is don't blame others for your problems. Make your problems, your business and responsiblity and take care of them. There are a lot of men out there who are have been looking to get married forever but can't find who fits them. Once they tweeked themselves, they found somebody. Men also have their own problems; I believe, they make their problems their business and responsiblity and take care of them, themselves. So take what helps you and move on.

    Per the article, not everything applies to all. I've seen, the biggest liars get married to great men; I've seen the queen bitches get married to great men; I have seen the most shallowest female get married to an amazing man; and 5 years and counting the marriages are still going. I have seen the most angry babes get married. Bottom line, is all about what you want out of life. When you meet the man who wants the same thing, things happen, marriage happens. Another bottom line, it is what it is; somebody has to marry early, somebody has to marry late, somebody has to marry never, somebody has marry too many times; it is what it is. We live in world where everything is possible. You pick the one you want and stay focus on it. Honestly speaking getting married is easy; getting married plus staying married is very difficult that's why some babes and men still dey single. Females, u can meet about 3 guys in a day, trust me when I say out of the 3 guys, 2 have been looking to get married for years. It doesn't take being married 3rice to know why you are not married. Face your mirror, look deep into your own eyes, you can tell yourself why you are not married.

    Chy

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  70. Even if she's been married ten times, would u rather make silly mistake than learn from her. mscheeeeeeew

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  71. She is so right.

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  72. Badt belle go kill some pple 4 dz our planet earth...d tracy gal tawk wetin e knw....if u no lyk wetin she tawk go hit ur head 4 wall..abeg tracy u 2 much joo!

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  73. That is so so so true!Some invaluable thoughts there. Though I don't think everything is accurate especially her "get a child first" part. She has learnt her lessons the hard way.
    You want to get married? Work on yourself in other words "get your shit together!" But marriage won't transform the real you or make you happier, you've got to answer those questions by yourself.

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  74. Lol at twice as much laundry. Hil-larry-us.

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  75. Why is it always women's fault??..u asked..well..its the women's discretion to filter out the toasters that come her way..when u don't and choose wrong for the reasons she mentioned..u damn well know the consequences..
    As per Runz gals getting married..they applied this rules to a T..and know how to get a man..they leave the crap when they mean bizness..and can be seen sitting in the front row in church..u been like..is that the same..so and so..

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  76. Someone needs to write an article why some men are not married. Please do not blame women at all. I think Tracy is writting from men complaining to her. I've seen men complain about how angry one past girlfriend was and thats why he didn't marry her. Years later, this same man is married to the most angry babe. Women that write these articles need to stop surveying men; and ask women the direct question. Make women think.

    As for Kim K. Please she is not a good example oo. She married once at 19 against her Father's wishes(na one selfish and rude babe be that). Kim K used to call herself not wife materal. All you see in her show is fake oo and acting. She will get married again, because someone has taught her how to marry but she doesn't really know what she wants out of the marriage. listen to her talk.

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  77. She's spot on....love her crazy and witty style of writing.

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  78. @nwunye mmadu u call some else's view on marriage WRAPED and in the same breath talk about being close to God. You are a lousy hypocrite, 2 year marriage mtcheeeeeeew betta go and pray.

    Hypocrisy in the church/mosque is the biggest disease in this country.Some of Tracy's stuff sense the bulk of her message was just pure BALGERDASH.Someone once said men marry miss available NOW NOW not miss right. So try and be all goody two shoes if you are not in his face as at when that wind of change sweeps and he see's all his mates getting married and decides to give it a shot. On the flip side isn't getting marriage advice from a 3 time failure sounds kinda freaky. Make she go try out her theories first then come back with results.

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  79. The reason she can't stay married is cos the guys see how much she has pretended to be the woman they want to marry and can't live with her true colours.

    She will continue to look for a man, marry him and then they divorce her cos she just too fake.

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  80. While there are lots of truths in Tracy's write up, its major flaw is that it treats marriage as an end in itself, and taking her idea hook line and sinker will mean you will get married but not happy.

    I knew all abt this "laws' and i have dated 2 men and got marriage proposal from both, why i am not married? I realised that i lied to myself, i didnt go after what i really wanted..not just a man that wll commit, but the type of man that will suit my personality. I was changing to catch a man and i was losing myself. The wake-up call came when i refused the last proposal and i realized the lie i have lived. I enjoy my life now, being totally me and real. I get upset, speak my mind, follow my dream and i am hooked to a guy that just suits me. So, i guess there is a need for balance here.

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  81. if women could only truly live as women should, the men of her dreams will be falling over themeselves to be with her, this is irrespective of her beauty or social standing, it's just so sad that women have fallen from their high place and now scramble for crumbs falling from the table of Men.

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  82. Naija Women, same everywia home and abroad. Any advice that seems too close to home una must resist or bash.

    The lady has said it all. Please move away from ur high horses and unrealistic expectations and change from within make una husbands fit land.

    And oh, that includes u Linda.

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  83. BABYGAL said....
    I am not married because I am not 'good enough'.....1.Am overweight 2.Am too Christian for Worldly men and too Worldly for Christian men.....#personalproblem, #toobusytodosh*taboutit....i guess a gearing up to stay single for a bit more....@idon'tcare(psquare voice)
    p.s. when loneliness and age hammer me wella i go enter the gym and Church or Club

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  84. Hmmmmm, I failed the test and need to re-adjust myself. I have realised that the older we get the more selfish and aware of ourselves we are.

    Ladies lets loosen up and get hooked

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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the comment writers alone and does not reflect or represent the views of Linda Ikeji.